Untitled and written at 1:17 a.m.

Every time I am down

I hit the bottom, I crash into a wall.

Shatter within and search for—what?

Relief from my life, my existence that I have learned to hate.

I read others, I see the world and myself

Floating in it.

But I am not part of it. I am

Only alone unto myself, or those that knew me.

Those that knew and left.

(who can blame them?)

I’ve only myself to point the finger at…

Tears continually fall from these bloodshot eyes,

Motherfucker, I whisper in my head

But I am whispering as I stand in front of the mirror.

The world is cruel and

Life is impossible.

I once said that I was in love (so many times I have been)

And love and hate, lust and desire.

It’s all so fucked up now, beyond comprehension, recognition.

Any of it. Why….

We all ask questions, and we

All want answers.

Why do things happen the way they do and how can I get someone

To pick up the phone,

So I can utter 2 words:

I’m sorry.