beautiful329's Xanga Site

you may say that i'm a dreamer	but i'm not the only one

beautiful329

Name: Ashley
Birthday: 3/29/1985
Gender: Female

Interests: BOOKS!!! (as long as they're good.) ...writing. sleeping (duh.) coffee is my vice!!! music, again, as long as its good. finger eleven, lennon murphy, poe, nightwish, lacuna coil, type o negative, poison black, silverchair....just to name a few favs. i love movies, and watch them so much...prob bc of the job, but still, im a nut for screwed up movies that rock...lol, i am a dumbass
Expertise: writing poety, or so i've been told....i plan to hopefully get my book to a publisher within the next year....started writing my first novel...that should be an interesting project.....i love to play cards...texas hold 'em whatever...its all good, im not really and expert but i enjoy it........DREAM AS IF YOU'LL LIVE FOREVER, LIVE AS IF YOU'LL DIE TOMORROW [james dean]
Occupation: Student

Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:

beautiful0329

Member Since: 2/10/2004

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Posting Calendar

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Sunday, February 27, 2005

Currently Playing
So Called Chaos
By Alanis Morissette
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So this will most likely be my last xanga post on this site. I have another anonymous site wherein I am more happy, free and such.

I am sure no one even reads this one anymore but will still keep it up and public.

I will be around if anyone ever needs anything. Thank you all for posting comments when you did and for just being you.

Goodbye now.

Lots of Love,

ASH

PS--

I have grown to love being a silent and unknown person so much that those of you who know my poetry may be disappointed. I am still working on my book, however I am about 98% sure at this point that I won’t have it under my *real* name. I am sorry.

Again, thank you everyone: Drea, for being a sweetie and Caleb for getting me started on xanga. Without you I’d be lost…Take care everyone.

2:06 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Currently Playing
The Young and Hopeless
By Good Charlotte
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- say anything

~~yes, I do hate this band, but this is the one and only song I like by them. It gets in your head. ~~

Much <3,

ASH

Say Anything

Here I am on
The phone again and
Awkward silence is
On the other end

I used to know
The sound of a smile
In your voice
But right now
All I feel
Is the pain of the fighting
Starting up again

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind (on my mind)
All the things we laugh about
They'll bring us through it every time (after time, after time)

Don't say a word
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away
I know you want to stay
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Some say that
Time changes
Best friends can
Become strangers
But I don't want that
No not for you
If you just stay with me
We can make it through

So here we are again
Same old arguement
And now I'm wondering
If things'll ever change, yeah

When will you laugh again?
Laugh like you did back when
We made noise till 3 am
And the neighbors would complain

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind (on my mind)
All the things we laugh about
They'll bring us through it every time (after time, after time)

Don't say a word
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign

3:21 AM - 2 views - 2 eprops - 2 comments - email it

Monday, January 31, 2005

Untitled and written at 1:17 a.m.

Every time I am down

I hit the bottom, I crash into a wall.

Shatter within and search for—what?

Relief from my life, my existence that I have learned to hate.

I read others, I see the world and myself

Floating in it.

But I am not part of it. I am

Only alone unto myself, or those that knew me.

Those that knew and left.

(who can blame them?)

I’ve only myself to point the finger at…

Tears continually fall from these bloodshot eyes,

Motherfucker, I whisper in my head

But I am whispering as I stand in front of the mirror.

The world is cruel and

Life is impossible.

I once said that I was in love (so many times I have been)

And love and hate, lust and desire.

It’s all so fucked up now, beyond comprehension, recognition.

Any of it. Why….

We all ask questions, and we

All want answers.

Why do things happen the way they do and how can I get someone

To pick up the phone,

So I can utter 2 words:

I’m sorry.

4:20 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Currently Playing
Away From The Sun
By 3 Doors Down
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- Here Without You

I wonder if I will ever be able to understand myself. I somehow doubt it. And I wonder if anyone will ever be able to actually understand me.

Again, I doubt it.

Loneliness is a total bitch and I hate it. If I wasn’t in school right now, and if I had not just started my new job I’d be outta this shithole town so fast people would cough on my dust.

Maybe I’ll go to London…maybe I’ll go to New York, Oregon, ANYWHERE BUT HERE. I am no longer happy, content or whatever in this town, this life I live. I want something different.

SOMETHING MORE.

But I cannot go right now (sucks to be me) and so as Joe Dirt once said I gotta “keep on keeping on”. Ha ha. If only it was that damn easy. Sorry if this is such a depressing rant. I somehow doubt though that anyone even reads this still.

Night.

~Ash~

3:37 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

	not a whole lot to report. just been training for the new job....studying up for finals....im prolly gonna end up dropping ryan. hes been bugging me lately. i dont know. im such a freakin free spirit. i need variety. and a fellow insomniac. we shall see. prob should go. take care all who still read this dribbling madness. ha. not likely. ciao! --ash
	1:18 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

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